Recession Confessions: Behind the Headlines

To paraphrase Carrie Bradshaw, what are your "secret budget behaviors?" Romi Lassally, founder of TruuConfessions.com, takes the pulse of the population each month in her new column exclusively for Shoestring: Recession Confessions.

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We've all seen the "regular faces" of the recession on morning television programs and in newspaper articles — those brave individuals willing to put their names and their fears in public. We know that moms are concerned about their husbands who've been home on the couch for months. We know girls with master's degrees are working second jobs in bars for the tips. What you don't hear very often, though, is how truly desperate some people are feeling during these tumultuous times.

Some stories are so personal they don't get reported on, and recently I've read some real stories shared on my anonymous web site, TruuConfessions.com, so shocking they brought tears to my eyes.

A marketing executive avoids the last round of layoffs at her office, but two of her closest friends don't.  She's been forced to avoid them — much to their dismay — because her boss told her to sever all ties and she now feels awkward and guilty. A man leaves his house to head to the office but goes to the library instead.  He lost his job and is too embarrassed to tell his wife.  A mother, with a seemingly perfect life, whispers with neighbors about the family who pulled their kids out of school and had to move in with in-laws.  She smiles but knows that she might be the next to go.

These are just a sampling of the "recession confessions" we've reviewed and seen pouring in daily.  While one byproduct of these tricky economic times may be more honesty, vulnerability, and compassion, there's still a conversation percolating, going on in hushed tones, and happening under the protective veil of anonymity, because some things are still too hard (or embarrassing, or just plain uncomfortable) to say out loud even to our closest friends.

Piecing together these bite-sized stories, shared in the inner sanctum of our confessional, it's clear that there's a host of new dilemmas and sticky situations being dealt with behind closed doors. Here are some of them:

"My husband just lost his job and has been home for the last 3 months.  I'm sympathetic and supportive but honestly I want him out of the house! He's moping around and I can't get anything done.  He's also complaining that our sex life is non-existent.  Which it is because I'm not feeling very attracted to him at the moment."

"I've recently been let go but can't bear to tell my family.  I leave every day for 'the office' but go to the library until it's time to come home.  I've never kept anything from my wife before.  I feel like I'm cheating on her."

"I'm 30 years old. I'm a student in a very prestigious graduate program. And I'm about to be homeless. My fiancé and I will be living out of our car in about three weeks. Nobody knows. I've figured out how we can hide this. I've put on a happy face at school. My grades haven't slipped and my work has been turned in on time. Nobody has a clue that we are going hungry. Our families lost everything, we don't qualify for assistance, and my student loans are tapped out. No one can help us. So I don't really see the point in telling people. But I'm still terrified. And nobody knows."

I can't even fathom the immense burden these scenarios entail, logistically or emotionally. Every day, I hope that these examples are extreme, not the norm. I'm encouraged because some other confessions indicate that people are striving to use the recession as a way to reevaluate, learn, and grow. Here's a few that impressed me:

"Trying to save a few dollars, I decided to replace a broken toilet myself.  It’s leaking now (worse than the old one) and I'm too afraid to tell my husband.  I'm going to have to finally call the plumber.  Oh the high cost of saving money. I have discovered that a lot of the ways you can save money as a mother are also good things for the environment! I have learned to make my own baby wipes, kitchen wipes, cleaning products (laundry soap, glass cleaner, disinfectant, general cleaners etc). I also switched to cloth diapers. Instead of buying a second car this year like we planned, we have made do with one and carpooled for everything possible. It makes me feel good to know that these changes will help mother nature as well!"

"I have always lived on a tight budget. I'm pretty much doing what I always did, only now I'm admired for it instead of made fun of for being 'cheap.' I started only wearing make up when I left the house...it helps a little bit and instead of buying new pocketbooks, I recycle bags. My Mom, sister and I swap bags and clothes now, too!"

"I live like I always have — my mom made sure I understood, 'We're ALL only a few paychecks away from homelessness.' Enjoy the simple things — the flashy 'things' will eventually just gather dust."

It's clear that people are coping however they can, depending on the direness of their situation.  True, many people may be struggling, but there are a lot of others who are using current events as a catalyst to rethink and shake up their own situations.

Judging by the number of helpful "me too" clicks left by other users on these posts, I do believe we'll all get through it. No matter how difficult the circumstances.

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What are your recession confessions? Go to TruuConfessions.com or post a comment below to let us know what secret, Shoestring behaviors living on a tighter budget has brought into your life.

Romi will be highlighting and sharing the best ones here in her column each month!

Story and Image: Copyright 2009 Shoestring, LLC. and Romi Lassally of Truuconfessions.com